I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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