I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
