I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
