Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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