Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
