well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
