I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
kristin has been a bad kristin
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
