Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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