I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
