First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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