Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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