Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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