I smell stomach acid.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
