do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
