Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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