When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
