I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
