It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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