Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
