I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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