My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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