So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
