do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
