If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I understand Curling. That high.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
