just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
