Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
