Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
