last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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