the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
