He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My ass is underappreciated
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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