i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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