if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
