I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
