sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
