you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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