He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
