The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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