Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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