I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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