why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
