i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
