found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
