just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sarcasm needs its own font
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
