I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
