that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize