wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize