Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
