i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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