My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
