You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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