Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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