You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
