Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
