I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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