she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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