I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
