Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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