He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
