Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize