Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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