It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
