Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
