if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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