well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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