I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
