I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
