laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
