I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
