I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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